Upon Witnessing A Great Old Tree

It is sad to see this great Old Tree
So tangled and overgrown,
And to wonder if it will survive
A stern pruning, or worse, wildfire!
What a strangled mess - with crossing limbs
And sucker-shoots, and leaves
Starved for oxygen, failing to floresce,
Without seed or stone or fruit ...
If fortune favors, no fungus rots the heartwood,
Nor virus plague the branch ...
But where to cut? And, too, how deeply?
Do I wait another season? Another year?
     Another day?

As we look upon the coming Month, the Long Darkness of December, I would like to remind everyone of the Hope that the Longest Night implies: that our Sun returns from Unending nights, to Promise the next season. Humans have Rejoiced at this time for as long as History remembers. So when I say Season's Greetings, I am trying to connect to your Winter Celebration -- whether that is the Birth of Jesus Christ, the Enlightenment of Buddha, the Birth of Mithra, the Remembrance of Sacred Fires, on Menorah or Yule or Sadeh -- or remembrances of other beliefs: Kwaanza, Pancha Ganapati, Inti Raymi ... This is the Season of Love and the Hope for Rebirth! Merry Christmas, and so much more!

my life i live in circles
round and square and pentagon
the lonely beats and crowded streets
the twists and turns, both left and right
sometimes whirling, twirling, boring
how many times, how many names,
the faces blur, the years and lives defer
my life is love, and you, and them
everything, nothing, somewhere in between ...

My heart, my heart
is torn apart and
riddled with guilt and doubt

. Ennui .

     I had a dream, where I was lost in the woods -- not that panicky 'I don't know where I'm at' kind of lost, but rather the calm grey 'I don't need to know where I am' lost. The snow didn't sparkle, so much as the hazy mist of the skies allowed. The leafless trees were not familiar, but neither did any of it seem frightful. I hungered for naught, nor thirsted. I felt helpless -- Is there someplace I should be?
     Did I walk through this forest, follow paths that shift and turn and blend out? The foliage was mute, but I heard the high-pitched ringing in my ears -- not deafening nor maddening, just a quiet white noise. Here I saw a pond, tiny, covered in the thinnest layer of ice. The trees here I noticed, but only as 'the trees by the pond'. What could I see, though, in this mirror before my breath?
     Nothing -- some small part of the vast emptiness just outside the world, and the woods. My heart skipped a beat, as if I would dread this glimpse. But that was not for me, that fear, not in this place, this state. With no more association to the pond than the trees, I don't remember where it was. I was pulled by something, by the need to find someplace -- where am I supposed to be? Was this it?

again

This day winds down, again.
A little older, a little colder, a little more full of sleep.
The many times this day goes on,
I seem more wise, more humble, more fearful that I'm wrong.
Days come and go, to close out weeks, and months, and years.
The many ups and downs that seek to balance, lead me on, and tempt ...
Do I wake again tomorrow?

As the air turns to autumnal chills

As the air turns to autumnal chills, I look back across the summer fading,
and, lo! what life! What mad and wonderful adventures!
I open doors and windows to watch the distant stars regain their hibernal clarity.
Ah! winter and night! What great events are yet to come!
Longing for warm drink and a strong breeze, I find my front porch calling.

Sandy's Stupa

Sandy's Stupa.

My Peace Pagoda -inspired memorial, 

surrounded by standing rocks

Dedicated to Our Friend, Sandy (1996-2010)

and to the Message of Peace for All.

Sandy (1996-2010)

I would not forsake my love to escape the pain of death.

I don't want to learn to live without you in my life.

what to do when the full moon hides above? how best to scratch and prowl, for I still love the night? I dream, I dream. freedom roams inside my heart: outside, responsibility + fear. tonight, this night, under the cover of clouds, who knows? where other ventures fail -- perhaps, tonight?

No More Good Days

I wish we could have another day in the sun
Your ears back, dreaming of warm fields and cool water
I wish we could have another night under the moon
Your nose in the air, to wonder at the mystery

You are dying, and I meant to comfort you
You are dying, while I still have to live
Without your lion's mane and puppydog eyes
With out your fur, and without your friendship

I can't do anything but watch you die
I can touch, and cajole, and whisper
But my light can't heal your eyes
Nor my voice your ears
My love can't keep you alive

(mlkj)

A single word, emphatically said;

Like a bullet through the head;

Wonder if the soul has fled?

The dream remains though the brain is dead!

DeGrade

I have no people; indeed, no heritage.
I am the confused mix of history and chance
That leaves ancestral lands laid waste
And bares the emptiness of tradition.
I am the descendant of liars and thieves,
Of slavemongers, con-men, and whores --
I have no claims to divinity:
No Son of Heaven, or God, just man and mud.
I have no family homestead, no inheritance
Of attics, basements, or cemeteries;
Neither temples of grandmothers to pray to,
Nor churches sacred and fore sworn.
I do not lament this as a loss;
Yet never having, I have no respect.

Frayed

I have frayed these words thin
Worn-through apologies and angry tatters
The tongue aches to be revitalized
But ancient connotations blanket me in dust
And fade the fragments of expression
Across this fabric of language and thought

What jaws will rend the sound
Or cold wind freeze the naked form
What frost-white consumption of guilt
And pleasure will trade in metaphor and cajole
We will speak no more of lies and truth
At last, night, and the Quietude of silence

Variations On The Flame

* * * * *

and in this dream
words flow smoothly to paper
sweet and cruel, sorrowful and True
Ink, black -- under scrutiny, shifting
and still I write as the lines
blaze, first small,
more shine than Fire
Then smoke, and the page combusts
falling, igniting table and cloth
and phrases lay by rows
drying, coruscating, Burning
a house enflames, drawn to ash
I breath dust, and heat, words
the world becomes a bon-fire,
and I,
The Crucible of Transformation

* * * * *

My words Burn
They are Ruby and Shameless
Scorching the very hand that writes
My world Burns
Engulfed in flame and heartache
Scarlet letters that love betrays

* * * * *

The Writing is Red
Like Blood of Flame
Burning, Flowing --
It engulfs the Wrold
Like Rain or Sunshine
Cohesive, Growing

Alone

I feel more alone in crowded streets
(alone cannot be more or less)
I feel more connected when I'm alone

The Keys

Do I build impossible places
To dream and to behold?
Can these improbable people be
To love and understand?
Does this Thought define the Truth
of being one and none and Free?

Never Forget

I live like you are dead
At our every parting
And live like you are dying
When we are near
To never forget our love, my love

Conversation

... I see a different value to conversation, since you are not here -- I gain enlightenment about why some people visit the grave markers of their dead. I don't want to lose this habit of talking to you, of keeping your mind close to mine. By continuing my side of our discussions, I can still hear your reply, in my mind, and I can see how your lips form the words and how you cock your eyebrow for emphasis and let it drop -- all the things that make conversation with you interesting. And by doing this, talking to you, even though you aren't here, creating your replies in my mind, you still have the power to change me, to affect my decisions and my attitudes, to guide and love and laugh with me ...

"Goodnight Kiss"

I could not go to sleep tonight
Without telling you goodnight
Without that kiss upon your wolfily lips
Without your warmth beside me
So I do not sleep, but meditate
That distance holds no meter
That every thought has heart-shaped wings
That there is no warmth but yours
no perception of You and Me

think-tank

I would bring together ten-thousand women
And men
To stillness
Approaching the Nothing Divine
To think not ofthe differences between us
But Oneness
No think-tank
But a thoughtless void
Of Creation

I kept hearing you say

I kept hearing you say
goodbye today
while I was far away
and busy with things
That seem, now,
inconsequential.
I have held back tears
all day today
out of love and
worry, wondering
If you are still alive.
For I still long to
travel with you
on the lakes and rivers
through misty mornings to the sea
To live with you in deep
forests and sunny meadows
You are my partner, and
the man I Love --

"All the words I speak are false,
And all the words I write."

Nothing

Only nothing can change us, everything else has only the power granted by our minds. Thus, only by embracing nothing can we be killed and everything else is granted the power of death (of being able to kill) by the mind. Mind only is required to keep matter in motion, and (as matter provides space for mind to move) no matter can cause mind to cease, or still. The ability to still to nothing, to cease, is only within the mind. So if we are nothing, filled with nothing, have become one with nothing, then everything else is harmless and ineffectual. By this virtue, we are stars -- radiating all shades of pure light, making this energy available to all in need of sustenence, accepting the illusion of food and medicine to teach, to illuminate the Truth.

It is not blackness
We face,
My Lord and I,
But Nothing.