No Bitter Wind

2011-11-28T01:48:00.001-05:00

As we look upon the coming Month, the Long Darkness of December, I would like to remind everyone of the Hope that the Longest Night implies: that our Sun returns from Unending nights, to Promise the next season. Humans have Rejoiced at this time for as long as History remembers. So when I say Season's Greetings, I am trying to connect to your Winter Celebration -- whether that is the Birth of Jesus Christ, the Enlightenment of Buddha, the Birth of Mithra, the Remembrance of Sacred Fires, on Menorah or Yule or Sadeh -- or remembrances of other beliefs: Kwaanza, Pancha Ganapati, Inti Raymi ... This is the Season of Love and the Hope for Rebirth! Merry Christmas, and so much more!

2011-09-24T01:35:00.003-04:00

my life i live in circles
round and square and pentagon
the lonely beats and crowded streets
the twists and turns, both left and right
sometimes whirling, twirling, boring
how many times, how many names,
the faces blur, the years and lives defer
my life is love, and you, and them
everything, nothing, somewhere in between ...

2011-07-13T01:51:00.000-04:00

My heart, my heart
is torn apart and
riddled with guilt and doubt

. Ennui .

2011-05-07T23:36:00.003-04:00

     I had a dream, where I was lost in the woods -- not that panicky 'I don't know where I'm at' kind of lost, but rather the calm grey 'I don't need to know where I am' lost. The snow didn't sparkle, so much as the hazy mist of the skies allowed. The leafless trees were not familiar, but neither did any of it seem frightful. I hungered for naught, nor thirsted. I felt helpless -- Is there someplace I should be?
     Did I walk through this forest, follow paths that shift and turn and blend out? The foliage was mute, but I heard the high-pitched ringing in my ears -- not deafening nor maddening, just a quiet white noise. Here I saw a pond, tiny, covered in the thinnest layer of ice. The trees here I noticed, but only as 'the trees by the pond'. What could I see, though, in this mirror before my breath?
     Nothing -- some small part of the vast emptiness just outside the world, and the woods. My heart skipped a beat, as if I would dread this glimpse. But that was not for me, that fear, not in this place, this state. With no more association to the pond than the trees, I don't remember where it was. I was pulled by something, by the need to find someplace -- where am I supposed to be? Was this it?

again

2010-09-19T23:00:00.000-04:00

This day winds down, again.
A little older, a little colder, a little more full of sleep.
The many times this day goes on,
I seem more wise, more humble, more fearful that I'm wrong.
Days come and go, to close out weeks, and months, and years.
The many ups and downs that seek to balance, lead me on, and tempt ...
Do I wake again tomorrow?

As the air turns to autumnal chills

2010-09-11T00:32:00.001-04:00

As the air turns to autumnal chills, I look back across the summer fading,
and, lo! what life! What mad and wonderful adventures!
I open doors and windows to watch the distant stars regain their hibernal clarity.
Ah! winter and night! What great events are yet to come!
Longing for warm drink and a strong breeze, I find my front porch calling.

Sandy's Stupa

2010-05-30T18:23:00.012-04:00

Sandy's Stupa.

My Peace Pagoda -inspired memorial,

surrounded by standing rocks

Dedicated to Our Friend, Sandy (1996-2010)

and to the Message of Peace for All.

2010-05-12T21:48:00.002-04:00

Sandy (1996-2010)

I would not forsake my love to escape the pain of death.

I don't want to learn to live without you in my life.

2010-05-01T00:27:00.001-04:00

what to do when the full moon hides above? how best to scratch and prowl, for I still love the night? I dream, I dream. freedom roams inside my heart: outside, responsibility + fear. tonight, this night, under the cover of clouds, who knows? where other ventures fail -- perhaps, tonight?

No More Good Days

2010-04-22T00:44:00.004-04:00

I wish we could have another day in the sun
Your ears back, dreaming of warm fields and cool water
I wish we could have another night under the moon
Your nose in the air, to wonder at the mystery

You are dying, and I meant to comfort you
You are dying, while I still have to live
Without your lion's mane and puppydog eyes
With out your fur, and without your friendship

I can't do anything but watch you die
I can touch, and cajole, and whisper
But my light can't heal your eyes
Nor my voice your ears
My love can't keep you alive

(mlkj)

2009-08-18T23:24:00.001-04:00

A single word, emphatically said;

Like a bullet through the head;

Wonder if the soul has fled?

The dream remains though the brain is dead!

DeGrade

2009-05-11T22:47:00.006-04:00

I have no people; indeed, no heritage.
I am the confused mix of history and chance
That leaves ancestral lands laid waste
And bares the emptiness of tradition.
I am the descendant of liars and thieves,
Of slavemongers, con-men, and whores --
I have no claims to divinity:
No Son of Heaven, or God, just man and mud.
I have no family homestead, no inheritance
Of attics, basements, or cemeteries;
Neither temples of grandmothers to pray to,
Nor churches sacred and fore sworn.
I do not lament this as a loss;
Yet never having, I have no respect.

Frayed

2008-07-19T19:30:00.001-04:00

I have frayed these words thin
Worn-through apologies and angry tatters
The tongue aches to be revitalized
But ancient connotations blanket me in dust
And fade the fragments of expression
Across this fabric of language and thought

What jaws will rend the sound
Or cold wind freeze the naked form
What frost-white consumption of guilt
And pleasure will trade in metaphor and cajole
We will speak no more of lies and truth
At last, night, and the Quietude of silence

Variations On The Flame

2007-08-28T19:36:00.000-04:00

* * * * *

and in this dream
words flow smoothly to paper
sweet and cruel, sorrowful and True
Ink, black -- under scrutiny, shifting
and still I write as the lines
blaze, first small,
more shine than Fire
Then smoke, and the page combusts
falling, igniting table and cloth
and phrases lay by rows
drying, coruscating, Burning
a house enflames, drawn to ash
I breath dust, and heat, words
the world becomes a bon-fire,
and I,
The Crucible of Transformation

* * * * *

My words Burn
They are Ruby and Shameless
Scorching the very hand that writes
My world Burns
Engulfed in flame and heartache
Scarlet letters that love betrays

* * * * *

The Writing is Red
Like Blood of Flame
Burning, Flowing --
It engulfs the Wrold
Like Rain or Sunshine
Cohesive, Growing

Alone

2007-05-25T19:47:00.000-04:00

I feel more alone in crowded streets
(alone cannot be more or less)
I feel more connected when I'm alone

The Keys

2007-02-28T19:49:00.000-05:00

Do I build impossible places
To dream and to behold?
Can these improbable people be
To love and understand?
Does this Thought define the Truth
of being one and none and Free?

Never Forget

2007-01-14T19:54:00.000-05:00

I live like you are dead
At our every parting
And live like you are dying
When we are near
To never forget our love, my love

Conversation

2006-12-17T19:57:00.000-05:00

... I see a different value to conversation, since you are not here -- I gain enlightenment about why some people visit the grave markers of their dead. I don't want to lose this habit of talking to you, of keeping your mind close to mine. By continuing my side of our discussions, I can still hear your reply, in my mind, and I can see how your lips form the words and how you cock your eyebrow for emphasis and let it drop -- all the things that make conversation with you interesting. And by doing this, talking to you, even though you aren't here, creating your replies in my mind, you still have the power to change me, to affect my decisions and my attitudes, to guide and love and laugh with me ...

"Goodnight Kiss"

2006-12-16T19:50:00.000-05:00

I could not go to sleep tonight
Without telling you goodnight
Without that kiss upon your wolfily lips
Without your warmth beside me
So I do not sleep, but meditate
That distance holds no meter
That every thought has heart-shaped wings
That there is no warmth but yours
no perception of You and Me

think-tank

2006-12-16T12:40:00.000-05:00

I would bring together ten-thousand women
And men
To stillness
Approaching the Nothing Divine
To think not ofthe differences between us
But Oneness
No think-tank
But a thoughtless void
Of Creation

I kept hearing you say

2006-04-07T13:45:00.001-04:00

I kept hearing you say
goodbye today
while I was far away
and busy with things
That seem, now,
inconsequential.
I have held back tears
all day today
out of love and
worry, wondering
If you are still alive.
For I still long to
travel with you
on the lakes and rivers
through misty mornings to the sea
To live with you in deep
forests and sunny meadows
You are my partner, and
the man I Love --

Nothing

2005-04-09T12:13:00.000-04:00

Only nothing can change us, everything else has only the power granted by our minds. Thus, only by embracing nothing can we be killed and everything else is granted the power of death (of being able to kill) by the mind. Mind only is required to keep matter in motion, and (as matter provides space for mind to move) no matter can cause mind to cease, or still. The ability to still to nothing, to cease, is only within the mind. So if we are nothing, filled with nothing, have become one with nothing, then everything else is harmless and ineffectual. By this virtue, we are stars -- radiating all shades of pure light, making this energy available to all in need of sustenence, accepting the illusion of food and medicine to teach, to illuminate the Truth.

This Evening

2004-12-10T13:40:00.000-05:00

In this eveningI have learned
From you, your wandering hands
And eyes of tanzanite intensity
From your rough whispers and
Coarse moustach, your gentle wolf-licks
On my neck and on my mouth of wine
On nipples pierced with steel and diamonds
With some drink, sipped, and
With this pipe, smoked, and
With you, into this night
To learn of love and joy

2004-10-18T20:05:00.000-04:00

All the things you can think
Are nameable
Save One
It is the nameless one, unthinkable,
That defines the others
It is the only thing that can be
Adequately compared by two people
Because all the thoughts are your own
Interpreted by your mind, your experience
But we all define things with no-things
we know thoughts by thoughtlessness
by no thought
by that Unnamable One
It is the one that we all can truly share
that needs no interpretation,
that debating does not change,
that analysis cannot enlighten

How Many Live

2004-09-25T13:43:00.001-04:00

How many lives
Have I destroyed
To be the man I am
Too many
Too many
I cry and wail and gnash
Too much blood it seems
Stains hands and clothes
And I
I
Am still alone

seperate

2004-05-30T13:27:00.002-04:00

You know
There are times
I hate to have to be
Seperate
And
Alone
To see these things
To make new patterns
Occur
And
I
Am blessed and lucky
That I have been
With
You

All my life

2004-05-27T13:22:00.000-04:00

All my life I have lived it seems
in fear in jealousy and spite
in nameless abject terror
of all the things I cannot ever
do or be or have
it is a pining of my soul
It is not enough

If all the world has turned to dust

2004-05-27T12:56:00.001-04:00

If all the world has turned to dust

And shadows

And all life seems black and darkness

is the absence of
Love

-- It is the breathless sound --

When time has turned to stone
Eternity
And serenity colliding and gold

is the color of
Love

-- It is the sound --

In the emptiness, in the quiet room
The heart
Where everything is small and gravity
is the allure of
Love

-- It is --

2004-05-27T12:54:00.000-04:00

my lord
these things are not for me
except as dreams and dust
the angles of this sunrise
and the glory of today
are mine, but still to share
my lord

It is this moment

2004-04-24T13:31:00.000-04:00

It is this Moment
To live, not dream, no hope
Required
It is this Time
To be, not think, no wants
Fulfilled
It is this Life
To have, not own, no death
Created

You Are The Rainbow To Me

2004-01-23T13:51:00.000-05:00

You are the blue sky on a cloudy day
The fields of green, and forests
A solar glare, and marigolds
Pumpkins and supernatural fiends
The color of blood, red, and holly
You are a deep and throbbing violet
As love, and pulsing, am I

The Angel's Reply

2001-12-25T13:39:00.000-05:00

Is it fear that keeps me here?
A fear that, without these folded hands
And whispered prayers,
My grasp of perfect Love will falter,
And this envelope of adoration break?

Is this blindness from your radience --
A ringing deafness from the trumpets?
Am I sensory-deprived --
Your perfect vessel, to be empty of volition,
Fired into fragile glass inside the glory of your Love?

Am I love because you love me,
A creature made whole with sacrifice
And with passion?
Could our Love transcend this perfect idyllation,
To kiss and be unbroken still?

Snowflake Serenade

2001-03-28T13:03:00.003-05:00

I am a comet set adrift upon this sea of darkness
Lonely harbinger of life, bearing aromatic gifts
It is my path to find a quiet dissolution, a love through peace
No moth-like supernova, but age on age of silent passion

I am a twirling snowflake dancing on a moonlit field
A shooting star over platinum trees, necklace to the moon
It is my chance to scintillate, to love through awe
No time to waste: I must dance until I love, and love until I fall

I am a diamond-clad hoar riming through the window in the dawn
A polished shell on sand, reminder of your earlier beauty
It is my destiny to be near you, and love throughout my life
No fear of death, for our passions and our love are all we need

2000-09-20T14:16:00.000-04:00

I would admire you like sunset
An act of nature
Random in intent
Beautiful by design
Too far away for me to hold
A luminance in my mind

I would savor you like wine
An aging vintage
Created by circumstance
Delightful to the palate
Yet to taste would cost too much
I am forsworn, so

I will remember you like tawny kisses
Your energies in fluid dance
Erotic to my passions
Soothing to my soul
A stellar flame when days grow cold
When I am held in silence, when I am gone, alone

Giftbox Psalm

1999-12-01T12:52:00.001-05:00

The rainbow-laden crenulence of thunder, rain, and sunshine
The sun-drenched tans on an opalescent beach
The swirlings of leaves, poundings of acorns, fires shared against the chill
The cloud of crystallizing steam as I exhale

The promise of my Son in you

The thousand years of meals, exquisitely prepared
The winter sunrise in a multihued infinity
The ancient text that is speaking of today

The graceful curves of you in early morning light

The tiny stellar spark that drives away the loneliness of night
The blackened edges of my heart, stoked coals in conflagration

The time and space when you hold me as your love

Semper Virons

1999-10-28T13:09:00.000-04:00

My gentle touch upon you
Leaves me breathless
Leaves your scent upon my skin
And intoxicates my dreams

I lay upon your limbs these
Nights of revelry and laughter
of quiet contemplation
Nights more precious than the ornaments
of gold and bejeweled decoration
These eves of myrrh and days of cinnamon

You hold my angel here
A crown of light like haloes
on the moon
Where every star is set
to twinkle in your eyes
And I am lost Orion
set upon this sea of night with you

And while I know our days are numbered
For even love must pass its flame eternal
Every night is cause to celebrate and
Every dawn I wake to revel and to wonder
to gaze with awe
At the magnificence that is you

Forces

1999-01-11T12:47:00.000-05:00

There is a movement through this world
That is akin to tides, like sunset through the clouds
Two objects drawn into a spiral dance of
Heat and light, of mystery and enchantment

And in this circling destiny of seasons I find you
And we kiss with the passion of the moon in orbit
And time stretches to the space between heartbeats
When I think of you and breathe you in as you exhale

Four Verses

1999-01-11T12:35:00.005-05:00

Enchantment lies beneath your roaming fingers
and Inspiration's in your eyes
I look to you to find Delight
with Luminence in your smiles

You are the Wonder of a tailored fit for me
a Mergence of form and function
woven Vines of morning glory and moon flower
night-blue Satin on goose-down pillows

I glance up from thoughtful reading to find
You staring at my (soul) reclined, and I am
Yearning for your touch to soothe through
Gentle heat ... I smile my love into your gaze

If every day I grow a little older and
Learn that life is love and must be lived
Then I would choose to love with you
And grow in ways that happiness can bring

The Tin Soldier’s Lament

1998-12-29T13:15:00.001-05:00

In the thousand dreams I have aged away the years
My dreams of colored lights and joyous song
The memories of snow-lit diamond forests
Beneath a cold December moon
Have been my warmth too many nights alone

You sparkle in my sight, suspended from the Sun
And are you longing as I do
To share the stars and icy prisms, the heat of Love
Beneath a well-worn quilt
And never waking to a cold sunrise, alone

Do I see the same desire in your eyes
When you stare corundum fire
And hang, like an angel from the skies
To say my name is beauty
And give meaning to all the years alone

You are a Tantalus kiss, not quite within my reach
And soon the snowy New Year comes
When all the gifts, and holidays are through
When I am left to quiet slumber
Will I sleep alone, with you?

No Bitter Wind

1998-12-28T12:20:00.006-05:00

And if not you, then who?

I will tread my weary path alone,
With new purpose, new means
And still I will not settle nor
Compromise, nor strive for love
But let Blind Cupid seek me
In his own time
And if I live my life long and
Still alone, I will only freeze a
Portion of my heart for you, a
Fragment left to die, so I will
Not grow cold, and have no bitter wind

She steals your kisses

1996-09-18T14:19:00.000-04:00

She steals your kisses
And holds your hands
She takes my time
To sleep inside your warmth

She lies to you
And you comfort her
She hurts you, and I cry
For while she is your life

You are my love

1996-09-15T14:18:00.000-04:00

My love for you
Is like a secret thing
I keep inside my heart
Hidden from the world
I smile, knowing
That you have given me
This love

1996-08-20T14:17:00.001-04:00

Quietly, I sit and read
Sunlight slanting into dusk
My mother asks me what I do
I look across my teacup smiling
"I wait."

My love can be a selfish thing

1996-08-10T14:04:00.000-04:00

My love can be a selfish thing
I want to share the world with you
And only you, but
My love is still a selfless thing
And I will share my world with you
And any whom you love

1996-08-10T14:03:00.000-04:00

I love you
And I want you
For my own:
To wake up next to you
To heal you when you hurt
To ache when you are gone
To love you always

I would do this thing for you

1996-08-10T14:02:00.000-04:00

I would do this thing for you
Because I trust you in small ways
And ways that seem ordinary
You make life worth living
So I trust you with what I have

I have grown very fond of you

1996-08-10T14:01:00.000-04:00

I have grown very fond of you
You are wonderful to be with
You give me life when I am low
Adventure when I am high
And love when I am lonely

Fit for Gods

1996-08-10T14:00:00.000-04:00

Dreams are the food of the Soul
So do not dream as fit for Kings
But dream as fit for Gods

The Tings You Left Behind

1995-06-04T14:20:00.000-04:00

In dreams, I cursed you;
By day, I longed.
I counted time
By hours, and by tears.

But sometimes,
When you smile, and
When I laugh,
The world seems like I was
When I was young,
And as you have always been:
Fair and bright,
With hidden beauty few can see.

I missed you when you were gone,
And died to think I'd hurt you.

Sometimes,
Despite the miles and tears,
You can go back,
And things you left behind
Can still be found.

Drag me, now, to Stygian depths

1994-10-17T14:29:00.000-04:00

Drag me, now, to Stygian depths
I lay on the edge of endless night
Confessing, communing of my sins
For I have sinned; have sinned
In the eyes of Sons long-risen
But as to John: I love you
Drag me, then, to Stygian depths
I lay on the edge of endless light
Continuing of the sins that I have sinned
Drag me down, but I have loved
No fire burns as hot
There is no Hell but separation
And death is distance
But as to John: I will return
Drag me down to Stygian depths
For I have loved him
There is no hell, for I have loved...

Inside The Box

1994-09-15T14:28:00.000-04:00

These ancient corridors are empty
And I am all that's left
Days grow long; dust settles on the shelves
With such bare bones to offer
What wealth would lie upon my doorstep
The ancient and the wise withdraw
So only paupers knock and
Beg alms through the tiny keyhole
I give them what I can
But that is hope, enough

Love Like Strangers

1994-03-29T14:27:00.000-05:00

For a while we walked
between the pillars of ancient marble,
we walked when the moon was full
and the ruins took the hue of bone.
For a while we talked
of pleasantries: of birds and weather,
of how the city enjoyed its gown of leaves,
we left the somber mood behind
laughing quietly as the final hope of sunset
dropped beneath the trees.
She asked me
where I'd been, what caused my eyes
to linger in the dusk
what things of night had chilled my soul
I turned away
not willing to forgive the secrets
how well you look, I said
She touched my cheek
and you have aged beyond your years
my years are many, but here we are again
to walk beneath the moon.

1994-03-08T14:26:00.000-05:00

HAVE YOU BEEN WAITING?
YOU TURN TO ME, AND KISS.
YOU HOLD ME UNDER A SUBJUGATION.
WHY? YOU SMILE.
THERE ARE NO WORDS
FOR THE PART OF ME THAT DIES
WITH EVERY HARSH WORD.
I CANNOT SEE BEHIND
YOUR COOL AND CONFIDENT EYES.
THEY LAUGH AT ME.
YOU CANNOT ESCAPE.
EVERYONE IS CAUGHT
WITHIN A WEB OF FEAR.
YOU BLINK, AND ALL MY FEARS
BECOME A TORTURE,
SLOWLY GRINDING AWAY
A NAIVE SHELL AND
LEAVING ME STRANDED IN REALITY.

1994-03-08T14:24:00.000-05:00

I HAVE HIDDEN FOR YEARS
COWERING IN A BLINDNESS
IMPOTENT AGAINST HIS RAGE
I SEARCH FOR SUBMISSION
BRINGING THOSE PEOPLE WHO
ACCEPT NO WAY BUT THEIRS

I FALL LOWER AND TEARS
PASS THROUGH MY HANDS LIKE
WINE COUNTING DOWN MY FEARS
FOR TOO LONG I HAVE HIDDEN
FROM THIS MAN TOO LONG
THE MANY SPITES HAVE STUNG
TOO LATE I SEE MY SUBMISSION
INTO FEAR

i. the serpent

1993-11-21T06:05:00.000-05:00

She loved the stone-cold
ceramic tile, she willowed
away, curving to another form,
another life, where trees were
poor and flat-faced rocks
circled into basins
a faucet replaced the chill
of the river, with a never
moving H, teaching patience,
conservation, and a passion
never found in heat
she bent black hair, and
bit with frosted lips, she
shrouded me with frigidity, I
had the virtue of the glacier
the river flowed, and I
slept with tile, a wisp of
hair, and a gentle pale
Madonna, inside the crypt of
her temple, forgiving her as
God

ii. the scorpion

1993-11-21T06:03:00.000-05:00

She told me once that her
time was over, that she was an
unreconciled past that soon must
end, and soon it did
the tile and steel fitted more
than satin, velvet, wood, I
paused and yet confirmed that it
was she, and saw her last seed
sown beneath eager trees and rain
she never said the words, but
left them penned on mirrors in
lipstick, tears, and silk, I
cried for her, and bled, and
spilled myself inside her soul
the words reflected, and her
eyes, my light, my love, I did
not know it was never her love
returned, but mine reflecting
off the mirrors of pale blue ice
absorb, my dear, her silent lips
betrayed, kiss to get burned and
keep the sun to love, the moon
must die, she cannot take, cannot
give birth, must yet reflect the
light that you create

iii. the eagle

1993-11-21T06:00:00.000-05:00

I fell in love with salt-green
ceramic tile, with the slender
cobalt blue reserved for deep
respect, I fell in love with
life, with creation, with kids,
with blondes
I found a hollow place inside,
with salty edges, and caverns
for a glacier, and a river, and
in an empty cave, I stored a
single comb of icy lace
never asked, and never told,
the secret whispers of arctic
winds blow coldly, but with
passions that endure

1993-10-11T14:55:00.000-04:00

I love your legs
Strong like mine
And making our passion
As we entwine and collapse
More like fusion
Radiating heat and sweat
And light that shines
In your eyes
A sun
A nova
Create with me
From silver
Gold

1993-10-08T14:54:00.000-04:00

I love you,
Your cold darkness
Smooth beneath
My wandering touch
I hold you, bite
You, let you find
A way beneath
My burning skin
I take you, and your
Pounding climax kills
Like lead inside
My bleeding heart

Darkness Peers In

1993-09-25T14:53:00.000-04:00

Darkness peers in at me from the window,
Regarding the small circle of light
With ice and death in cold black eyes.

Glass reflects my sallow face imposed
Upon the night; the candle and shadows
Distort my life to obsidian dreams.

Darkness waits with eager countenance to devour
Light, and everything that dies is held to know
The inside of the mouth that fades to black.

Patient for the mourning, I see empty spaces
In my heart and holes where atoms hold no sway.
I find the night within my arms, and slowly fall.

STEEP GRADE

1993-08-20T14:52:00.000-04:00

miles of asphalt stretch
to darkening horizons
mountains curve in blackness
to thirty-nine trucks asleep

the demons keep trying
and bring the world of darkness
to some ungodly light

my ears are filled with emptiness
and airbrakes
and the barest moan
escapes my lips
where man meets demon(ess)
and the trucks smile glows into night

1993-08-18T14:51:00.000-04:00

a single bead of sweat
follows a line of hair
torturing your deluged ear
a parody of Mississippian anger
a need for heat and light
yet we do meet
where salty foam and cotton weave
are given excess
water enlivens tortures
brings green to brown
and wakes you from your dreams

god-like is your every line

1993-08-09T14:37:00.004-04:00

your every line is god-like ........... god-like is your every line

though you do not see it ........... but you will never see it

your every word is silver ....... golden speaks your every word
though you do not hear .......... but sunlight seems too pure

I see you move in grace ................. with faltering step you move
hand in hand with nature ................ I watch with blackened eyes
as the falling of leaves ... like the damned that draw more light
or sunset over water ........... and give but darkness to my sighs

your form is one of pleasure ......... pain belies your angel's form
though you do not think it ....... but in that you are lost
your soul is one of beauty ...... blackness can surround your soul
though you do not know .................. and so your eyes can rust

I started drinking early today

1993-07-19T14:36:00.000-04:00

I started drinking early today
I missed the sunrise
And never saw you leave
I started drinking early today
The world is easy this way
Tthought becomes a memory
But I have chosen this

I thought you could fake it
I thought I should try
I thought you could want me
I think I might die

I started drinking today
My morning steps are ruined
By the emptiness
I started drinking today
Leaving a path of broken glass
And knotted hair behind
I cry to not be seen

If all of this were blackness
And all had come undone
If heart and mind were broken
By the rising of the sun

I started today
And left this word unfinished
I started today
To escape the tears and blackness
To see your face
In a shard of blood-red glass

Few words have not been spoken

1993-07-19T14:34:00.000-04:00

Few words have not been spoken
And I have said these things before
We are caught in circles
Bands stronger than iron
For we believe
And faith is the basis for reality

I recognize where I am standing
I have never been here
But there are clues
Left from where I was

Lead me to temptation
For I am stronger
To resist
And let this part within me die

Prologue (to The Christ Vexation)

1993-06-25T16:00:00.002-04:00

out of delirium i come
and they are here to guide me
i lay close to the edge
the eternal draw smug remarks
in concrete
but my eyes are closed
i cannot read
or see
kill me quickly
i scream to blackness
my lungs burn with saltwater
tears
i thirst for clean air
in dungeons of flesh and water
drips softly in the background
hold me my dear i cannot
live within this life
without you

I.

1993-06-25T15:55:00.000-04:00

i have screamed too long
and now my throat is parched
lean close
i whisper quietly
and hope
those who listen now
will hear
and understand

my age is beyond numbers
i have been returning
to this place like a swallow
but to what end

i once composed a symphony
and have played it many times
but there was beauty
that i never knew it had
until i heard you play it differently
there was an infinite variety
that i had never heard
until you played the notes
i wrote

if you had seen me then
i thought myself masterful
controlling creation
but there is never a time
of mastery
unless it is the future
the only place we can be better
than we are now

II.

1993-06-25T15:50:00.000-04:00

there is a randomness
that does not exist
what does all this mean
the answers are written in
the sky and on the ground
and in our blood
and though the many years that intervene
the answers are still here
as we have left them

i have searched to find
these answers and the questions
but seem no better for the finding
better it would seem
are the ones that do not ask
do not seek

but could i live without this hunger
live inside a space never knowing
a larger space exists

there is a happiness in childhood
that is hard to capture in maturity
ask for no future
youth says
while adults
ask for no forgiveness
children cannot comprehend
the contemplating parent that
does not understand
ignorance is bliss
bliss is ignorance
what joy is there in knowing

IV.

1993-06-25T15:45:00.001-04:00

a lightening flash fades
to photoscopic ghosts on aging retinas
two three four miles
as i count thirteen
a shot
penetrating darkness with light
and light with a darkness greater still

then came the horror of the hunt
not death
but a greater cycle
created for destruction
and creating in its emptiness
a time for us to die

to claim the past as rectitude
for the blood
is both arrogance and folly

we have evolved beyond but
in out bodys haste
we left our mind
in an adolescent way
to find solutions for the flesh
but no slake
for the all-consuming
carnivore
we feed inside

III.

1993-06-25T15:45:00.000-04:00

i sit lonely on the shoreline
watching waves fall down
and i wonder why they crash
upon the sand smoothly creating
a continuity with our past
for i sit as countless others
who have hope and death and wonder
in the waves we share
though eons lie between us

there is a communion described
upon the stars and in the sea
each drawing us to fascination
to wonder and to draw the same answers
as countless have or will

the ocean calls with amnia
cresting waves and the stain
of salt in my hair
i am free
and pound and beat the surf
giving my sins to the earth and sea
and claiming new life from the rip tide

reborn
covered with salt
and dripping water

providing answers
to questions never asked

V.

1993-06-25T15:40:00.000-04:00

my life has been
a series of fault
line dances
hiding vast realms of
imperfections
for the beauty

the solitary beauty

of that pendulous moment
before the castle falls
into the screaming sea
and a thousand imperfections
mark the land

for this
i must create
must move forward
and dance another time

VI.

1993-06-25T15:35:00.000-04:00

god is weeping
god is dead
god is waiting in that hollow
space that drives you mad

we each have chosen
this game
with its rules and
its faults
and each must take
credit and responsibility
for those decisions that we make
while we are here

is there no exit
have i not played
for a greater number of years
than was required
there is no time of reckoning
but merely a continued tally
of sins and counter-sins

then i will live this time
as the prophets have decreed
not only for myself
but for those i love
everyone
that i have included in my world
and in the end
may i ask forgiveness
and blame myself no longer

VII.

1993-06-25T15:30:00.000-04:00

i stare at you
a thousand miles above me
watching me with patient eyes

i was there once too
in orbit
staring at the multitude of clouds
and sheep
and angels swooning in the morning light
this was company and was love

but there have been changes
i find the sky is crowded now
everyone that i created lives there
playing the games that i invented
telling lies i have told before

i reside in palaces of stone
white marble to remind me of the sheep
and onyx for the night

they were in these chambers once

i stare through windows now
i stare beyond and through the crowded sky

the sky seems grand
when righteousness is hollow
but earth looms ever close
children fly with wings
that tire in old age
infertile stone seems solid
to aging feet and
wings that now must rest

VIII.

1993-06-25T15:25:00.000-04:00

in haste
we build landmarks
distinguishing areas
with obvious staements
and do not realize devastation
when we create it

there are features enough
in the face of clay
and in the face of water
features left undisturbed
for times when rules change
and history provides the answers
to the problems of today

these guides are simple and are few
that atoms bind
and everything must change must die
bring lye and water to your face
and to your eyes
to burn away
the pearlesced layers of stone

everything is bound
and measured
every page preserved
frozen in the essene air

IX.

1993-06-25T15:22:00.000-04:00

they told me not to do it
that it could never be done
or maybe never should
but i laid the fragments of my blood
in two straight lines
and found that there were elements
that wandered through and across
the patterns of regularity
spelled out in complex acid

maybe i should never have done it
should never have found the answers
for on a wandering element
much smaller than was known to exist
i found a world
inhabited
and held it in my hand

i looked carefully and on the nightside
of this atomic world
i found a man gazing quietly into his hand
at a particle
too tiny to be seen

the man looked up and stared
at the complex acid stars
his tiny element wandered through

ive spelled my name
with my own blood
and watched the stars
singing in their complex regularity

X.

1993-06-25T15:20:00.001-04:00

these days i write
long love letters
pining in the mist
for a lovers footfall
on drying leaves

knowing changes everything
familiarity breeds
not contempt
but a greater appreciation
for those things alien

deadly nightshade
awaits my third return
but i have never left
twenty five thousand
grains of sand have fallen

we always know
and always lives
but sometimes not enough

My scream ends low

1993-03-26T14:33:00.000-05:00

My scream ends low,
A gutteral noise
For your injury is base

I cry
You bleed
And I watch my tears
Join with raindrops
Falling lightly

The rain hushes
Everything
To listen to the sirens

The radio continues
Not knowing
- I cannot hear -

Let me scream
And bleed with you
A tear
A raindrop
A noise, ending low

If you were made of darkest gold

1993-03-05T14:32:00.000-05:00

If you were made of darkest gold
With eyes of ocean green
Then stay with me to blackness
And be the last thing seen

If with age your dark hair turns
To silver filigree
Then change as well to Arctic ice
And share your soul with me

If out of wax you came in bronze
To glance with ruby fire
I'd cast myself in softer lead
And burn with your desire

And if you were made with ferrous' name
And rusty eyes I'd love you just the same

Intro

1992-12-04T23:47:00.000-05:00

Love is grey, my dear,
when time is slow.
Black and white are
lovers, and where
their bodies touch-
Love is grey, my dear.

Clay

1992-11-25T23:46:00.000-05:00

A touch, and you send me spinning
Faster - gravity draws your hands
Onto my form. I am molded by your
Love, and by your fire - raise me
to the next level: I am a vessel,
fill me full, and I am fulfilled.

Slate

1992-11-22T23:45:00.000-05:00

time, like a river, flows
between us - leaving one,
where two lay dormant, by
emptiness, and ´destiny±. a

danger lies - you changed
and so did i to something
different, something more
´permanent± than any brutal

force. once long ago, you
said ´i love you± now those
words are etched inside a
fragile fossil - my heart

Flint

1992-11-18T23:44:00.000-05:00

there is something primal
something native some raw
power left misunderstood

sparks flash beneath your
nails your teeth set fire
to dry wood to bone to me

the chanting of my heart
surrounds induces visions
of warriors bloodbrothers

Anthracite

1992-11-18T23:43:00.000-05:00

morning light shines dimly
through the blackened room
awareness creeps slowly to
my head -
insurance claims
you are an act of God, but
I will cover you- a stoked
furnace beneath my blanket

Coal

1992-11-17T23:42:00.000-05:00

You promise Me the Future:
borne of Silk, a Chrysalis
a Fragment of the Darkness
caught by the Web of Night

find Me when the Butterfly
of Steel and Stone emerges
come back when I may touch
and You would know who saw
Promise of the Son in You.

You promise Me the Future;
with Time, and Effort, You
would be a Thing of Beauty

Granite

1992-11-17T23:40:00.000-05:00

How could I touch you I asked
the sky- your eyes -were grey
and held no answer. You stare
through me, unmoved by beauty

Wait for rain that falls like
tears, you seem to say. There
is an ending to the world and
I will feel my body, rough on

yours and heavy though breath
comes easily. Lead me to your
beauty and to your bed I tell
your frozen form. With eyes I

see you silent, upon a silken
throne within my mind. Broken
thoughts are simple. I find a
quiet piety within your eyes.

1992-11-11T23:39:00.000-05:00

A Golden man sits,
cloaked in black,
upon the Throne of Darkness --
A God to some, but
the Ruler of Hell to one
of the worlds he created...

Lore laughs in the face
of Time, knowing a
form of Immortality.
Nothing for nothing --
To save a world,
another must fall...

1992-09-28T23:38:00.000-04:00

Stripping down,
Like quiet storms,
Of passion-
We kiss,
And pray for rain.

1992-09-14T23:37:00.000-04:00

Dancing, kissing
Moving as one as
Sweat and rain
Collect in pools
Beneath our feet

1992-08-26T23:36:00.001-04:00

With power, his muscles move
like ocean currents beneath
the tide; I watch him sleep,
wishing I could ease the
pain troubling his sober,
sleeping brow; I question
love; What man lies pale
and sick before my eyes?

1992-08-26T23:36:00.000-04:00

Crouching beast
Facing stone, and
Eyes staring straight
At me

A low-hung growl
And it moves -
Graceless, efficient
Intent

The silent world
Of well-lit night
His eyes glow in
The dark

1992-08-26T23:35:00.000-04:00

Here, again, we meet at
crossroads
points of
Turning - a coming of age

Two thousand years (twenty-
seven
life-
times) spent in childhood

This older man we seek
with a
woman
And a span of years to breathe

I cannot live your life
anymore
simply
Living no longer fills the void

The cycle is to continue, as I
move to
middle-
Age. Children grasp for power

1992-08-08T23:34:00.000-04:00

You told me once to wait
On golden shores
And in the frozen north

You told me soon
The lovestruck days
Would rouse me from
My tired bed

Seashells twine
Upon the shore
The sun has lied

The restless moon
Will love me
While I wait.

1992-08-04T23:33:00.000-04:00

We are bound
By space and years.
Miles have bridged the distance;
And coincidence?

A pretty coat of karma.

1992-08-04T23:32:00.000-04:00

Lost conqueror
You have invaded
me
the last territory
Virgin to the world
You have plundered
Through and now you
sleep

1992-07-27T23:31:00.000-04:00

I have lost the way to sleep, my love
That I was tired is a memory
You are gone, without me
And I am left with
Only vague descriptions of nothing
And a wounded heart

PEACE (POP)

1992-06-04T00:16:00.000-04:00

no chance of snow
today
Jerusalem, though,
is quiet -- I want
to buy a share of
Quiet sleep

the deserts and beaches
are covered in Blood-
red
cherry ice-cream; my
body aches for your
Cold hands

Wrap carefully around
you say
what Treasure does your
tongue belie -- would
you Sell me yours;
summer comes

in heat there is no light
in heat there is no life
Cool off, take a break
rings the Bell
buy a stick of quiet
cold; in peace,
take me

BLUE LINE HOME

1992-06-02T00:15:00.000-04:00

cavernous descent of man
We fall like only gods

As if the sky and sun were dead
and Only corrupt
forever sterile light
sprays shadows towards Heavens
never seen

The belly of the snake is full
What eternal sleep do closed eyes find

I try but cannot rest
to See the cloud-choked sky
and Feel the gentle train-born wind
slip back among the baffled ruins
and Place the quiet Earth beneath my feet

RETURN, RETURN

1992-06-01T00:14:00.000-04:00

to Anna

pieces of my heart lie
crystal in the morning light
I am clinging to the wind,
and rain; clinging,
hanging in the air for you
Time is slow and
sunlight dusty
curtains close the day
children play when
you are gone
Sleep, my love
sleep, and I will
find my heart
tomorrow

THOUGHTS ON MAN

1992-05-18T00:12:00.001-04:00

And I must leave, with you
For day is closing fast
A waterfall, and tear
Suspended on the skies
Lightening strikes, another time
We live; storm wind blows
Follow me, the raindrop cries

WINDBLOWN

1992-05-18T00:12:00.000-04:00

The world is calling, quietly
Come home, my child, come home
Ignoring her is folly
For she alone is real; all this
With you and me, a passing thought
Think not, you say, but
Kiss me now, before I wake